Happy Birthday ZACH!!!

Zach turned the RIPE age of 31 on Feb 24th..the night of my dad's viewing! What a great way to celebrate! Zach, I just want you to know that you have been my ROCK through all of this. I never could have made it through this last week with out you! I promise that we will celebrate your birthday soon!
I LOVE you HoNeY!!

TrUe FeeLinGs!

Today has been the most interesting day that I have had. About 9:20 this am I received a phone call from my mom, telling me that my dad had passed away! WHAT!!!! The story is very complicated. I have not really talked or seen much of my dad in the last 5 years. Zach and my kids have met him a couple of times. The last time that I saw him was a year ago Christmas.

I am not even sure what to write or how to say much about him at this point. I am mostly doing this so that I can try to remember this day. He passed away last night about 5:30pm from a heart attack. His wife Katie, tells us that he was feeling sick all weekend. He had a panic attack and refused to go to the hospital. She kept trying to get him to go, but no luck. She said that he slept most of the weekend, and was pretty out of it. Yesterday, he went to use that bathroom, and she just heard a loud bang! He had fallen and hit his head. By the time she got to him, he had already passed. She called 911, they came, tried to work on him, but could not revive him. He was bleeding pretty bad from his head. They took him to McKay Dee Hospital to keep his body in the morgue.

This AM all of my siblings but one, headed to the hospital to say our goodbye's and see his body. I was shocked at what I saw. He looked SO old and frail. My heart sunk. I fell into my sister-in-laws arms as she just held my sister and me. So many things were running through my mind. Through all of this, I feel feelings of hurt and sorrow. So many unanswered questions. At this point all of us were wondering where to we go from here.

My parents have been divorced for a long time. I have a VERY Strong testimony of The Atonement Of Jesus Christ. I want to forgive my dad and move forward. Today we spent the day with his wife and her son Zak. I feel uplifted and had many questions answered. I am sure I will wonder about many things for a long time. One thing is for sure that I am SO SO Thankful for the Gospel in my life and my sweet little family!!!

LoVe Is In ThE AiR

Today Zach and I celebrate our 4th Anniversary!!! I can't believe it has been 4 years. Time flies when you are having fun right! Our love story began on July 12, 2004. I had been home from my mission for 6 months and Zach's sister, Cherie asked me if I wanted to go to a movie with her..I was so excited, she mentioned that her husband was going, I thought OK I can be the 3rd wheel...I just got home from my mission..no problem. Well then she mentioned that her little brother, Zane and his wife were going...OK I thought. NOW WHAT??? So, she asked me if I wanted to go with Zach, I thought sure, that would be fun. I didn't really know him much..but what the heck! So off we went in Cherie's mini van to Olive Garden and the to see White Chicks. What a BLAST I had. I honestly think that I laughed the whole night. I knew then and their that I was going to marry Zach Gerrard! I never wanted the night to end, it was so much fun. I headed home after Zach and I had talked for awhile. I went home to tell my mom that I found my husband! I knew that we were getting married. 5 SHORT days later of being together non stop...Zach had mentioned that he was down with the marriage thing if I was. WHAT!! How could I say no to such a PERFECT GUY!!! I gave him a BIG HUG and that was that.

He was off to Egypt the next day for 6 LONG months. My family hadn't even met him. He told his parents that I was waiting for him....I had to set him straight on that. The next thing I knew his parents booked a fleight for me to visit Zach in Egypt in just 3 weeks for a whole month! I was SO excited. I had a lot to do in 3 short weeks. In that time I found my wedding ring, picked out the material for my dress and we bought the house that we live in. My family was wondering what the CRAp was going on. I just told them to trust me on this one. I knew that Zach and I were going to be together forever the minute I saw him. I went to the Temple before I went to Egypt to pray about this decision that I knew what so right. I will never forget the feeling that I got when I was sitting in the celestial room of the Bountiful Temple. I knew it was right.

I was off to Egypt. What a trip! It was 3 weeks of PURE bliss and romance. Not a dull moment..pure laughs and jokes and we really got to know each other. He of course waited until the last week that I was there to purpose to me. We were sitting on the beach at the Red Sea and he never really purposed formally to me..he said a few things that made him even more perfect.

Here we are 4 years later, enjoying life with 2 great kids. I am so excited that I went off of my intuition. Zach is my best friend in the world. We have our differences like everybody, but he is a GREAT husband...and the BEST dad in the world. I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with you Zach, I love you so much!!!

WhAt's HaPPeNiNG!!

What is happening around our house and in our lives...

• Addison has RSV
• Kohen is TeStInG my Patience...
• Zach always has his HEAD in a BOOK
• Work is CRAZY

Our lives are crazy busy but good! I took Addison to the Dr today only to find out we are on the tail end of RSV..are you KIDDING me! I was so worried about this. This is the 1st year that my kids have not received the RSV synagis. Every baby born 34 weeks or earlier qualifies for RSV shots. It basically gives your immune a HUGE boost. My kids both qualified because they were born at 34 weeks...not to mention that a series is $16,000 yes, that is RIGHT $16,000...ThANK goodness for insurance! So just my luck no shots...RSV. She is doing good..just pretty miserable and NO ONE is sleeping in our house except Kohen. Hopefully this will all be over in a week or so.

Kohen...Kohen...Kohen where is my sweet little boy! He has really done a flip in the last 2 or 3 weeks. He has become quite the little back talker! Can he listen..does he hear me...YES! Does he listen NO NO NO!!! It is getting the better part of me. He is SUCH a good boy and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt...but holy crap! Example...yesterday we were in a hurry trying to get everyone ready so I could make it to work, I told him to put his socks on...Mom please help me. Kohen just try...HE says, No its not my problem....WHAT! Excuse me! It is a D*%* good thing he is SO SO SO Cute!

Zach...I am sorry that you are so busy with school. Before we know it, it will be the weekend before you are off to Egypt yet again. I am trying to be VERY patient and not demand a lot of attention, but a little would be nice. I know that this will pay off and we are getting there. I am so proud of you and I DON'T want to be in your shoes. I hope you know that I LOVE you! Hang in their!

I am SO SO SO SO SO SO Sick of work. I am in need of a BREAK! This place is popping with Babies. I miss my girls at my aerobics class. As soon as Addi is better...I will be back! I miss you!

Lates,

Becks

GooD NeWs!!!

Well it is about time for some good news around here..and we got it today! Our Niece Kendra is doing great...AND...her tumor has SHRUNK!!!!! We couldn't be happier. She is in high spirits and feeling good! So from here, they follow up with an MRI in 3 months...time will tell where they go from their! She also got her wish from Make-A-Wish...she gets to go to Disney World and have ROYAL TREATMENT!!! They are flying Kendra and her family for a week, in the beginning of February...WAY TO GO KENDRA...we LOVE you!

Today!

I received a phone call on my way to work from my mom that my cousin Dawn was in a freak car accident. She is 17 weeks pregnant! She has a been in the ICU since Friday night. She is getting better, but it is going to be a long road to recovery. She has been a trooper and doing the best that can be expcected. It is hard to be so far away and to be helpless. I know that the Lord has been with her. We are still waiting to hear if she will be moved out of the ICU and onto a regular floor. Dawn...our thoughts and prayers are with you!!!! We love you!

FaRmIngToN CanYon

Today Zach and I both had the day off of school and work....which RARELY happens! We decided to head up to Farmington Canyon on the 4-Wheelers with the kids and we had a BLAST! It is a toss up who had more FUN.... Us or Kohen and Addison. I took Kohen behind me, and Zach strapped Addi's car seat down to the 4-wheeler and we were off! It was SOOOOO Nice to get out of this crappy inversion and the weather was AWESOME! We had so much FUN! Thanks for the great idea Zach! Thanks Grandma and Papa for letting us use your NEW rides!

ThInGs ThaT mAke Me HaPpY!

This AM when both Kohen and Addison were awake Kohen started singing the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" to Addi and then gave her a BIG HUG and said mom, I am Addis best friend....she in return gave Kohen a BIG hug and KIss. I love these little people SO much!!



(This is one of my favorite pictures of them together. Kohens b-day 2007)

MY 24 Steps to a BETTER LIFE in 2009...

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, "My purpose is to____________ today."

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, and almonds.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste my precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things I cannot control. Instead I want to invest my energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a King, lunch like a princess, and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out credit card.

9. Life isn't fair, but its still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take myself so seriously. No one else does.

12. I don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with my past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare myself to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one determines my happiness BUT ME.

16. Frame every so call disaster with thses words: "In five years, will this matter?"

17. Forgive

18. What other people think of me is NONE of my business.

19. GOD heals all.

20. However good or bad the situation is, it will change.

21. My job won't take care of me when I am sick, your friends will. Stay in touch.

22. Envy is a waste of time. I have all that I need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for__________. Today I accomplished____________.

24. I am too blessed to be stressed.

ChRiStMaS EvE...

All CUTE and READY to go to Grandma and Papa's


Grandma TEACHING about Mary and Jesus


KoKo and Addi VERY excited to open gifts from Grandma and Papa

OpEnInG Christmas Eve jammies with Grandma Brockman

This SeaSon has been so great for our family. For Zach and Me it has been very humbling! With our niece being diagnosed with cancer, seeing their family struggle on a daily basis has really put things into perspective for us. My side of the family always chooses to do a SUB for SANTA..it is always much more rewarding than buying gifts for one another. We were able to help out Jen and Zane....what a HUMBLING and TOUCHING experience that was for me. My sister in law Tara, also wrote to 97.1 ZHT and submitted a letter for Jen and Zane...THEY picked her story! What an amazing experience that was for Tara and ME! She asked me to go with her to read the letter over the air...Tara you did such a GREAT job. The radio station provided Jen and Zane's family with SO much stuff. IT was SUCH a blessing to see the PRICELESS smile on Kendra's face. IT has been awhile. She is a TROOPER! She finally finished radiation and is doing great. It is a waiting game now, until she gets the MRI in 4 weeks to see if the Tumor has shrunk! Our thoughts and Prayers are with you guys!

This time of year always tugs at my heart. I HATE the fact that I don't remember the last time that I saw my dad on Christmas. I can't imagine not being with my loved ones this time of year. I am SO grateful for my Savior. I am SO grateful for my family and the Gospel....I am MOST grateful for my little family that is all MINE! I love you Zach, Kohen and Addison SO much! I wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!